One of the most surprising aspects of unemployment is the blow that it’s taken to my self-esteem. The sadness, frustration, and panic were anticipated. I cope with them every day as best I can, but I wasn’t expecting the drop in confidence that I’ve started to feel. It seems silly, doesn’t it? I still look the same, I still have the same level of intelligence, but all of this endless applying for jobs and not hearing back is slowly making me begin to doubt myself…like a tiny splinter that gradually becomes more and more painful. It makes me realize just how much working is a daily part of life…without a career, I feel less successful. It is a new experience for me to discover how much success relates to my feelings of self-worth.
Day 16 – 20 of Unemployment: Well, on the bright side, I have applied to quite a few more jobs since my last post. Unfortunately, I still haven’t heard back from any of them, except for the very first job I applied to after the layoff did e-mail me on Friday to inform me that the position had been filled by a “more qualified candidate.” Jeez, that felt great to read
I did go out for the night for the first time since I became unemployed, and that was fantastic. I think it’s also the first time in two weeks that I actually put on makeup and did my hair. I’m not ashamed to admit that “preening” myself, as it were, did make me feel better. I’ve always been a girly girl so sitting around the apartment with no excuse to get dressed up has been a bummer and makes me feel gross. The ONLY downside to being around friends is having people politely ask about my life, and inevitably having to explain the layoff and get the “pity looks.” I refuse to lie when people ask me how work is going. I felt bad, because my friends were buying me drinks all night to make me feel better, but the alcohol also did allow me to forget about things for a few hours. And make me feel sick for a few hours the next day!
Today, I did follow up with one business located down the street from me that I think I stand a good chance of getting employment with…hopefully they will call me next week for an interview. It is a job that I think I would genuinely enjoy. The only downside is it would be a huge cut in pay from what I was used to, which isn’t good because I wasn’t exactly rolling in cash at my last job! But, it’s certainly better than unemployment compensation, and hopefully would allow me to keep my bills paid. We’ll see…don’t want to count those chickens too early.
That brings me to another confidence issue…I have a feeling that I will end up NEEDING to take a job that isn’t up to par with what I ideally should be making at my age/talent level. It kills me, because I thought I would be so much further in my career by now, and I find myself having to start at the bottom. I am extremely ambitious, so it is frustrating. Why am I allowing a job or lack thereof to influence me so much? I am who I am, despite it.
Ah well. Wishing the best for myself, and for all of you out there fighting the good fight every day to find a job, too!
PS – I wonder if anyone reading this is also a fan of Kid Cudi and knows which song lyric I’m referring to in today’s entry title? He’s the best to zone out to and think philosophically about life 🙂