Don’t Panic


I title today’s entry in exasperated mockery of myself, as “panic” has been the main thing I’ve been doing the past few days. I haven’t been able to write or even sleep without constantly waking up. Over the weekend, I restrained myself and tried to just enjoy the time my boyfriend and I spent together, but the second I’m alone, I feel the acidic anxiety rising in my throat. I wake up, brush my teeth, attempt to instruct myself to go make breakfast first, but then race to the computer and desperately scroll through the day’s job listings. I know that I need to get out of my own head and that I can’t make jobs I’m qualified for appear out of thin air, but it is really tough!

Day 10 – 13 of Unemployment:  I have spent countless hours looking for careers to apply to. Guess how many I’ve actually found and applied to? Three! I am experiencing the oh-so-common dilemma of the unemployed in their mid-20’s – I am either over or under-qualified for nearly everything I find. I wouldn’t mind taking a position that I am over-qualified for, but I then run into the cost of living. I was budgeting carefully with my former job…I don’t know how I could afford to take a job that paid less. I am panicked about when I will be forced to apply for and collect unemployment, as you are legally required to report two jobs that you have applied to every week. That sounds extremely easy, but days go by when I don’t find anything at all. I haven’t heard anything from the one “head hunter” company that has my information, so I’m not sure if I should look for other companies or not.

The weather continues to be terrible, so the whole “get outside once a day” goal hasn’t been accomplished 😦 It’s crazy how much I looked forward going to the pool every day!  I did cardio today until I felt like vomiting, so that helped a bit. Hopefully I’ll be too tired to go into panic mode before bed tonight…last night I lay awake for hours. Definitely wish I wasn’t by myself all day, but I hope that one day I’ll be able to say that I learned to control my own panic attacks.

2 responses to “Don’t Panic

  1. I know how rough it can be. Panic is a hard thing to push back down. Just remember that you can only do so much in each day. You have to take it a day at a time, or you won’t survive it! If I constantly thought about all the stuff I need to figured out/accomplish in the next several months (starting a new job, finding new housing, getting ready for a baby), I probably wouldn’t be able to even get out of bed in the morning. You just have to take it one day at a time, do as much as you can in that day, and by the end of it: give yourself a break. Panic will only slow down the progress on solutions. I love you! And although I have faith in very little, I know that you’re going to find something that will fit what you need. (And I know you pretty well so don’t roll your eyes at my statement!)

    • Thanks for the encouragement! And I love you, too. In my head I know logically how I should handle things, but it’s been hard giving myself a break. I know you understand…it’s like, the second you apply for something, you start the anxious foot tapping wondering if you’ll hear back. I hate that!

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